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It`s not everyday you find a $50 bill in your pocket, I didn`t, but like I said it`s not everyday..
7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me.
Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
Yes, your opinion matters ... But not to me.
You can turn anything into a compliment if you`re delusional enough.
+ if you wish you could record your dreams.
If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I`d quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes
Wouldn`t it be awesome if MTV had a show called "16 and Applying to Colleges"
If you ever hear me say that I missed you it`s only because I have bad aim.
My Ex updated her status to "standing on the edge of a cliff" So I "poked" her!
My stomach just growled so hard I thought I was getting a text message.
Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren`t happy.
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That sh!t`s totally different.