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The guy that thought of wrapping other food items in bacon deserves an award.
Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
Your eyes are so beautiful. If you look deep enough i can see my own reflection...
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
NEVER go to a wet t shirt contest drunk. I won 2nd place.
Wow! Sit-Downs are way easier than Sit-Ups!
As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
I always make it a point to become friends with babies. That`s free cake once a year for a lifetime.
I was enjoying our conversation, but then I stopped talking and the whole thing got really boring.
Some people want to get in shape before they go to a gym. Which is the equivalent of losing weight so you can go on a diet
Stop complaining about the rain. Cause rain makes corn and corn makes whiskey.
Just read a book on quantum evolution. The idea is that quantum mechanics are involved in the process of evolution. I still say go to WalMart and then try to sell me on evolution....
That horrible moment when the TV commercials are so long that you forget what you’re watching…
If you’re keeping score in your relationship, I promise you, you’re losing.
I’m bored. Anyone need anything avenged?