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At first, I had my doubts about using autocorrect. But my new phone probed me wrong. PROVED DAMNIT! PROVED!
Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn`t answer the phone.
I don`t have issues... I AM an issue
My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
So glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how much I’m understanding what other people are saying.
Writing "Omg you guys are still friends after what she said about you???" on every group photo of girls I see on Instagram
People in glass houses shouldn`t masturbate during the day....
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
Make Monday More Fun: Unplug the copier at work and put a sign on it that says “Now Voice Activated!” Sit back and watch the magic unfold..
The naked truth, is always better than someone’s best dressed lie.
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!
I am really getting tired of every time I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.
at my age, the best part of waking up is the fact that I did wake up