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When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
I made Creme Brulee today. More food should require the use of a blow torch.
I`m only 2 girls short of a threesome.
I typed bitch into my GPS and guess what? I`m in your drive way. Vroom, vroom mother f*%ker.
I think Tampax and Hershey`s should get together and offer a super pack....
Sometimes it would be nice if the world had an off switch.
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
I could never cheat in a relationship, That requires 2 women to find me attractive.
If my glass is half full then I start wondering where my bartender is.
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?
Always look both ways before crossing a woman.
This patience thing takes forever.
I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn`t work here.
I just realized we cook bacon and bake cookies, get it together English.