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I don`t go to bars anymore, but I miss some things about it. So sometimes I wait outside my bathroom for 15 minutes when I`m dying to pee.
I’m starting to think plates are called china because most of them look the same.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers off the plane.
Dear college students, Sorry about your GPA. - Netflix
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is.
If by “clubbing” you mean eating club sandwiches then yeah I’m pretty into the club scene.
Ladies: Sometimes you just need to throw your arms up in the air and say, "Tie me up"
If no one comes from the future to stop you, than how bad of a decision can it really be.
Why do we offer "a word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones that need the advice?
Go home Polar Vortex....yer drunk.
If turning alcohol into bad decisions ever becomes an Olympic event, I`m bringin` home the Gold! USA! USA!
The realization that Netflix knows me better than my closest friends....
You say toilet, I say alcohol vomit receptacle.
If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.
Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?" but they don`t stop long enough for you to reply!