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How to win an argument. 1. Have a vagina. 2. That’s it. 3. You win. 4. Congratulations.
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
my wish for tonight is for the person reading this status to have a Good Night!
Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
Sometimes I miss being in a relationship, but then I look at my wallet and I feel alright again.
Facebook should win an Emmy for Best Daytime Dramas.
I used to have superpowers but the psychiatrist took them away.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Wouldn`t it be awesome if MTV had a show called "16 and Applying to Colleges"
You haven`t truly made it on YouTube until someone recognizes you in the unemployment line and asks for your autograph.
Do you think that the guy that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart.
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to douches.