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Every woman in this world is beautiful...........except for the ugly ones!
Just printed out 50 copies of today’s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I’m just not in the mood for small talk.
I`m looking for a new personal trainer, the last one didn`t work out
Behind every great women is a man checking out her a$$
We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like: “Well I’m bored, let’s go brush our teeth.”
the real full form of M.B.A....Married But Available
Some people have to learn lessons the hard way. Like with a bat. A bat is hard.
“FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!” – Mother Nature
They keep telling me theres plenty of fish in the sea, but I havent caught one in years, soooo I continue to sit here, holding my rod.
Vampire selfies are just phones floating in front of bathroom mirrors.
If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it`s always perfume.
Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old.
Being fat = Lowers your chance of getting kidnapped.
Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour, teach him how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.
If you like to spoon, you`ll love to spatula. That`s where I flip you over to make certain you`re done properly on both sides.