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Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
Redneck Word : debate...i was gonna go fishin today but forgot to bring debate
United should roll out Rodeo Rewards where you get paid based on how long you are able to stay on the plane when you are chosen to volunteer.
Laxatives............for people who don`t give a crap.
Sometimes after a nap, I like to take another nap.
I’m sorry I slapped you. It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to stop talking and I panicked.
If at first you don´t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Nothing says God is forgiving like hell.
watching porn is like finding happiness in other enjoyment.....
When your wife`s in labour, never sneak a look at the business end; it`s like watching your favourite pub burn down.
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
When parents on Facebook post about how they can`t believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he`d be held back!"
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"