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I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
I`m super lazy today! Which is like normal lazy, but I`m also wearing a cape.
You`re from my dreams... Or nightmares. I can`t decide which.
Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he`ll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 6 cookies.
If someone tells you "it`s better than sex" they`re not doing the sex right.
I don`t use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.
Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
You can usually judge a women`s hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a whore.
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
Step aside coffee… this is a job for booze.
If you’re keeping score in your relationship, I promise you, you’re losing.
Volleyball is just a more intense game of "Don`t let the balloon touch the floor"
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"
Whoever named anteaters, solid effort right there.