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I don`t wanna make this weird but that`s just kinda how I do things.
Just once when they interview a serial killer’s neighbor I’d like to hear them say “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, he was a real Weirdo”
Sometimes I don`t go big just so I can go home.
Instead of cars warning us of stupid things, like the door is open, it should tell us useful things, like there`s a cop hiding in the bushes
Nipples (noun) - the body`s way of telling you the weather
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
Legos are practice for when you get older & buy Ikea furniture
Peppermint Schnapps, the mouthwash you can swallow
? Taken ? Single ? So sexy that they’re all scared to go out with me.
There`s a time and a place for alcohol ... In my hand and now.
Every conversation should come with a snooze button. That way if you`re being too boring, I can push a button and keep you from talking for the next 10 minutes.
Did you know? If you put your finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Packman!
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they`ll dig the wrong way. It`s called thinking ahead guys.
Can you shut up now?! Because talking to you sounds less appealing then playing leapfrog with unicorns.