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I just made 3 critical errors: 1. I woke up for work. 2. I went to work. 3. I arrived at work.
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you`re wasting everybody’s time.
When one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted.....
I’m not a picky eater or anything but I will look at both sides of a Dorito before I eat it to decide if its got a good cheesy dust ratio.
The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed.
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
I’m not a biologist but I’m pretty sure the difference between a moth and a butterfly is that a moth is really ugly.
Guess what I saw today ... Everything I looked at. ;)
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
Who’s that sexy beast…………..oh I clicked on my own profile again. ;)
U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
Has anyone else ever noticed that the word therapist spells, "the rapist," when split into 2 words?
Just signed a $320,000, nine year deal with my therapist.
Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Answer-Big Boobs