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Alway be nice to anyone that has full access to your toothbrush.
You ran a marathon? I ran like 5 red lights this week...
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you`re signing a cast.
How much do those guys who yell in the back of rap songs make? I could totally do that.
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
I am not cut out for the CIA. All the opposing side would have to do is tickle me and I’d spill all our nation’s secrets.
There are two types of people in this world: people who pee in the shower and liars.
My roommate is going on a date tonight.. He said he`s convinced she IS coming home with him.. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters.. Now we wait..
If you`re wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don`t google `old man bond age`
Being gay is fine. Being lesbian is fine. Being straight is fine. But do you know what’s not fine? Wearing crocs. That is NOT okay
I am Looking for a Bank which can offer me these Two Services..... .Give me a Loan & then Leave me aLone. :)
Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house, but that fly is dead.
Imagine coming home from a long vacation and finding your bathroom towels are wet from just being used. I can do that to your ex if you want.
Today is boozeday, I mean Tuesday...same difference!
PARENTS: your teen may be worshipping Satan. Look for these terms: LOL - Lucifer Our Lord, BRB - Burn Religious Books, TBH - Tell Beelzebub Hi