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Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I`m typing this with my middle finger.
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
Saw a post stating "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That`s how days work."
I thought I wanted to get married again. Then I laughed and remembered why I shouldn`t think.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
The best part about Valentine`s Day is that tomorrow is Friday.
This job fair sucks... They don`t have one F*cking ride...
SNAUGHLING: Laughing so hard you snort, then laugh because you snorted, then snort because you laughed.
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......
I was about to do something awesome, again, but I told myself “Enough is enough, that’s plenty of awesome for one day”
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
My hand has never pumped so hard for a little squirt. Stupid empty soap bottle.
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo.