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I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for the answer.
Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.
I hope I never have to run for my life. It wouldn’t end well.
I saw that! - Karma
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
If I suddenly had the ability to teleport, I’d spend an entire day popping up naked in front of people and asking for John Connor.
Career goal: Being successful enough to add bacon to my burger without asking how much more it costs.
Statistically, I`ve come to the conclusion that I`m going to hell in multiple religions.
This donut scented car freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
Remember bad decisions make the best stories!!!
It’s not weird to talk to yourself, it’s just weird when someone else hears you talking to yourself.
I wonder if birds look at planes and think "man, I`ve really got to hit the gym"
If I had spoken to my parents the way some children do now, I would not be here to share this status.
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs