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I’m beginning to believe that successful relationships come down to Netflix compatibility.
Sadly no matter how hard you try, you can`t mail a fart. Too bad though, because this would actually make paying Bills a lot more fun.
Some of the nicest women you`ll meet on Facebook are men.
I think the tie was invented by someone who wanted to express how he felt about work but thought an actual noose was too obvious.
I took my family to Sea World this weekend, but i wasnt allowed in. Apparently you cant take your fishing rod.
I fake my LOLs
If you really think about it, "Nightlife" is just a fancy word for drinking alcohol at a place that isn`t your house.
I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
Although tequila is highly toxic, it can be used to dissolve the friend zone.
I Hope I can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.
If a picture is worth a thousand words then why does everyone only buy Playboy magazines for the articles?
People at work tell me I have a lot of patience. Fact is… there are just way too many witnesses around
I’ve found the best way to learn your co-workers’ names is by eating their food in the office fridge
Driving a Dodge doesn`t automatically make you a defensive driver.
is giving everyone permission to steal, and use this status.