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Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
Did you ever notice how a woman’s “I’ll be ready in 5min” and a guys “I’ll be home in 5min” are one and the same?
There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think “look at all these poor people who don’t know Netflix exists.”
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn`t that make life fair?
I might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery the odds are about the same
How do nudist clean their glasses?
My new dating profile just says "I`m tired of masturbating."
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational post are hard.
Do short people start their childhood stories with "when I was little", too?
I have read so much about the dangers of drinking and smoking, that i have decided to quit reading
Well it`s almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!
Lets all take a minute and realize the lack of creativity in the name "fire place"