Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes, numbers are the only thing you can truely count on.
Your car took up two spaces, I tried to move it over with my key.
Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.
I`ve been taking viagara for my sunburn........ It doesn`t cure it...... but it does keep the sheets off my legs at night.
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?
I am not sure why a guy getting trapped in a vagina sculpture is big news...men have been trapped by vaginas for many years.
I make a great second impression.
Every paper towel commercial just reminds me that the cleanest option is to just not have children.
Was that lightning? ... No, they`re taking pictures for Google Earth.
Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I`m really fun to talk to.