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I`ll drink enough for both of us, because I`m just a caring person.
The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’. You probably saw our posters on poles.
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it`s like excuse me, I`m working here.
I believe in equality. If we have five days of work, then we should have five day weekends as well.
"How about if I put a balloon over it? Would you touch it then?" -guy who invented condoms
Here`s a crazy concept, maybe I`m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it`s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
If you think someone is staring at you: 1. Yawn 2. If they yawn, they were staring.
I was going to get married, but my wife refuses to sign the divorce papers
I found the "one" today! Surprisingly, It`s been on my keyboard all the time.
I`m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
Whoever said time heals all wounds never had their leg bitten off by a shark.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed.
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.