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You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
As soon as the Zombie Apocalypse hits I`m grabbing a sledgehammer and heading down to the local cemetery for the greatest game of Whack-A-Mole ever.
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
May the bridges I burn light the way.
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
I saw a spider in my bathtub. So I took a tissue and very, very carefully, burned the house down.
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
LOL` the biggest lie on the internet.
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
Think we could get the North Korean hackers to end "Keeping Up With The Kardashians"?
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
Things I`m confused by: how did Rub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub become a nursery rhyme?
what do you mean booze ain`t food!?
going to mcdonalds for a salad is like going to a brothel for a hug