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The awkward moment when you’re running and your boobs are bouncing …. and you’re a guy.
Now accepting applications for partners in crime. Please read all fine print:adult language and partial nudity may be required.
Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah`s witnesses of the internet.
I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
Marriage is something you should pay for and divorce should be free. You might think twice before buying into it.
When I`m bored, I dress up as Waldo, walk up to strangers (in a crowded airport), and say "psssst... if ANYBODY asks......YOU ain`t seen me... capiche?"
The girl on the flyer is never at the club.
Is it just me or does the word "retweet" bring up images of Elmer Fudd commanding an army on the defensive?
If you need Facebook to remind you it`s your wife`s birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
A "Tap Out" sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.
A few more months without getting laid and I should be eligible for employment at Gamestop.
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.
Oh really? It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown? How many muscles does it take to mind your own business