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If I could only use one word to describe myself, it would probably be: "not good at following directions".
When I`m bored, nobody texts me. But as soon as I`m busy, BAM! ... still nobody texts me.
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
I try not to be rude, but some people make it hard work.
I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it`s someone`s birthday and I need to show respect.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
Yes, I dance in my car. Yes, I see you staring at me. No, I do not care.
The only way I know if I’ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want. If my wife says it`s okay.
Debate?.....isn`t that what you use to catch "The Fish" ?
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
I haven`t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn`t blue.
To find out your dolphin name, lick your finger tips and rub a balloon
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!