Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I love running my fingers through my girlfriend`s hair. It`s also a great way to let her know we`re out of napkins.
I can`t wait to get one of those self-driving cars to watch my wife argue with it.
I have a brilliant idea once every seven beers.
Google was first named, `BackRub`. If they hadn`t changed the name, we`d be saying, `I don`t know, go BackRub it.`
Only at McDonald`s do they say, "Sorry about your wait" and actually mean "weight" :P
I know it’s “cool” to make fun of celebrities, but the Bieber jokes need to stop. That’s somebody’s daughter.
My door bell is a recording of a shotgun being racked.
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
I know u r but what am I ?
life is too short to match socks
According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I`m OCD.
The Three Up`s in life: 1. Show 2. Keep 3. Shut
Word to the wise - make sure the phone is 100% hung up before you call someone an a$$hole.
Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you can just plow thru Uranus because it`s all gas. I cannot respond maturely.
Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes