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Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
Five years ago my boss asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I finally know the answer: Not Here
You know you`re getting older when your friends start using the term "Pregnant" instead of "Knocked Up"
I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
A dog running a hundred miles to retrieve a stick? That`s pretty far-fetched.
When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
"How much for the man cave?" "Sir that`s a doghouse." "Can you install cable?"
I went to see a psychiatrist today. He told me I had a split personality and charged me $160. I gave him $80, and told him to get the rest from the other a$$hole!
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
My dad says that if I don`t stop typing so loudly, he`s gonna slam my face into the fidbdiUHy6hivIifHfGK
Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
It`s been discovered that 1% of the population is allergic to Gluten. The other 99% are sick and tired of hearing about it......
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
Today I saw something that reminded me of you. But don`t worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal.