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Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
Am I the only one who calculates how much sleep I can get before I go to bed?
No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.
My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on.
It`s amazing how I come up with my best status updates when I`m in the shower or when I`m driving. I think it has a lot to do with me being naked.
For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel.
The only time I hit the panic button on my car keys is accidentally, and the only person who panics is me.
Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
I am there for you no matter what, anytime, day or night, unless there is something good on TV or I am eating pie
A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work.
When we were kids, we didn`t have Pokemon Go. If we wanted to look for things that weren`t there, we would get stoned like normal people.
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"
Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most women wear makeup and most men lie.