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The only thing I love more than cake is cakes.
Women are always complaining that men are messy by leaving clothes layin around…..That’s because women take up all the closets
Racism, sexism and homophobia make no sense when there are so many perfectly good stupid people to hate.
I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
My gift horse is facing the wrong way
Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask how you’re still married.
Don`t ever, ever EVER!!! Touch a crazy man`s food!!! I will STAB YOU WITH A SPOON!
Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! -Librarians arguing
is a mystery you´ll never solve
drink beer ?? save water
Getting back with your ex is pretty much the same as taking a shower, getting out, and putting back on the same old dirty underwear.
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
Coffee eyedrops! Another million dollar idea.
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils