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Eventually we’re just gonna have to accept “ducking” is a swear word.
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800`s isn`t a selling point. Slavery existed then too...
Hitting the snooze button is like hitting the “Next Episode” button on Netflix… it’s going to happen at least 3 times.
Some people have to learn lessons the hard way. Like with a bat. A bat is hard.
My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
My hand has never pumped so hard for a little squirt. Stupid empty soap bottle.
I need u to do me a favor... Stand in front of my car please... I need to test my brakes :)
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it`s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
I don`t know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale
You can tell a lot about a woman by how she slices brownies. For example: if she throws the knife at you, you should pick up some Midol.
If you have time to update your status as "very busy", then you obviously exaggerated.
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.