Daily Silly Status

Wanna know what it`s like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.

We all need to take great interest in our future because we will spend the rest of our life there.

I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.

I love to start my day by getting on Facebook to see who is a whiny little bi!ch today.

So, if I lie to the government, it’s a felony. But if they lie to me its politics?

It`s a beautiful Spring day to get outside and stare at your phone.

Don`t threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.

I thought I`d try yoga to make myself more flexible, but I`m still incredibly stubborn.

Half of life is screwing up…the other half is dealing with it.

Five little words that will win my heart, "I brought beer and pizza."

My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It`s not working. I cant take it anymore, I`m going to moms" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?

I`m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.

People ask me why I don`t have any tattoos and I respond with, would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari?

I`m at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I`m usually fine with going home.

Cologne - because people shouldn`t have a choice whether or not they want to smell you.