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My New Years resolutions are just a list of mixed drinks I haven`t tried yet.
You Are The Reason My Middle Finger Was Created.
Is it wrong to tell a knock knock joke to a homeless person ?
I inject vodka right into the orange. Screwdriver-to-go
Rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don`t they?
There’s always that one person that catches you doing something weird.
My innocent look never works in the nude.
Don’t trust people that dislike pizza. They’re probably not human.
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes a great Subway sandwich.
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I’m right.
my friends status was "standing on the edge of a cliff" ... so I poked him
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
If you`re buying Smart Water for 4$ a bottle,, I`m sorry to tell you it`s not working
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?
Tell a therapist, Not Facebook.