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I got some new underwear. Well, new to me...
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
Childhood is like being drunk: Everyone remembers what you did except you.
If u think someone (me) is cute u should tell them (me)
It turns out that playing strip solitaire isn`t nearly as much fun as playing strip poker. Especially at work...
Curious that it`s always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters.
There`s nothing more terrifying than accidentally making eye contact with a mall kiosk worker.
Sometimes, even I`m afraid of the things my mind comes up with.
People always say that alcohol kills... but if you think about it .... it causes many births too.
With all the new car technology you would think someone could invent a side mirror that could show where an object actually appears.
I pulled my wife`s panties to the side.......then put the rest of her socks in the drawer.
"Is everything OK?" "Well, I`ve been kind of down since the divorce..." "I meant with your pasta, sir."
The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.