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If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
People like you are the reason why the middle finger was invented
My new home security sign : "EBOLA QUARANTINE" - Deters salesman, thieves, and neighbors.
I`m hosting a wine tasting event in my home. Well, it`s not really an event. It`s just me and three bottles of wine. No one else is invited.
When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
I wouldn`t be surprised if my kids think the phrase "goddamn douchebag" means someone who pulls out in front of your car without signaling.
Tired of those Political Ads on television?...... You may be entitled to compensation.
There may be two sides to every story, but you’re still a douche in both of them.
If you can´t read this, you´re illiterate.
The wife almost caught me browsing on Facebook, but I quickly clicked over to a porn site. That was close.
I always found it a little counter productive when the teacher would say "Don`t get smart with me!"
My friend thinks he`s so smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.
I’m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
I wish all my freckles would just mix into a tan.