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If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
No I don`t think you`re stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking
You ran a marathon? I ran like 5 red lights this week...
Anyone know when Facebook is sending us our W-2`s?
I wish some people`s cardio exercise consisted of running into traffic.
Don’t underestimate my ability to be hungry.
Shout out to bees, willing to kill themselves just to inconvenience a hater.
The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that`s not a risk I`m willing to take.
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever`s bugging you.
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
Your name should be Gelette because you`re the best a man can get
Donuts: An excuse to eat cake for breakfast.
Why are police men so strong? Because they hold up traffic.
So who wants to tell the person who just threw a new phone book on my porch about the internet?
When someone tells you they`re playing a STD game... But you later realise they were talking about Spot The Difference.