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According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it`s hard to steal a car when the owner`s living in it...
Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I`m made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.
It is kinda at the point where everything in my life is a movie reference
"I am upping my standards... so up yours!"
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon
When in doubt, procrastinate.
"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
Ghetto wet floor sign: Caution Bitches Be Trippin
Being stuck in the`` friend zone`` is like an employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he hired.
Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won`t understand how many calories are in it.
Trying to be less negative but it`ll never work.
Note to self: you never read these notes so stop writing them.
I`ll never join one of those dating sites. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way. By alcohol & bad decisions.