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I was driving to work this morning and saw a bumper sticker that said, "Jesus is the answer." A few minutes later I saw another bumper sticker that said, "Who farted?" That was the best game of Highway Jeopardy ever!
I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
Trail mix is just a reminder of how much better it would`ve been if I just ate a bag of M&M`s!
When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
have you ever been like "what`s the day today? ... no i mean the like the number".
Yes, milk from cows tastes nice. But to the person that first found that out...you have issues bro
I don`t mind being wrong, as long as nobody knows.
I bet my road rage will be taken seriously once I get a car.
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
Happy 4/21! National work drug testing day!
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to "unstable".
At funerals instead of crying, I tie the dead person’s shoe laces together. It’s not stupid. What if he comes back as a zombie?
How Big is Infinity?
Slipped on black ice today, I thought it was regular ice at first, but when I stood up, my wallet was gone.
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...