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A hospital is the only commercial establishment where the worse service they provide you, the more you`ll come back.
Tis the season to throw your diet out the window.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He`s told every other person on earth and I didn`t want y`all to be out of the loop.
Just...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.
Yes I am a bad boy ... But your the one that`s going to get spanked.
anyone celebrating anything today? Anything at all... doesn`t matter what. I just need something to drink to.
I found a spider in my shoes. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
Any time you feel lonely, remember, its your fault nobody likes you.
Redneck WORD OF THE DAY: WATER My girlfriend gets mad and I don`t even know water problem is!
It`s not that I like watching midget porn, it`s just that my phone screen is too small to watch regular porn.
The worst part of owning an invisibility cloak is trying to remember where you hung it up.
Some people walk into your life and leave footprints on your heart. Some people walk into life and make you want to leave footprints on their face
Saw a wasp in a spider web and I don`t know who to root for.
You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.