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My fitness goal is to weigh what I told the DMV I weigh.
There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else`s house.
I learned how to kiss passionately by practicing on my hand, but now it just uses me for sex.
Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way to get the neighbors to pay for that privacy fence.
My New Year`s resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.
whoever snuck the `s` in fast food is a clever person
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Still no news on the royal baby. One will assume its being delivered by Royal Mail
I know two wrongs don`t make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I`m like on 756.
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
I need a job that pays at least 10,000 dollars an hour.
You would think a popular place like the Krusty Krab would have more than two employees.
There are two types of people in this world, those with common sense and those who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!