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WebMD needs to add the question "Have you eaten Taco Bell today?" when asking about stomach-related symptoms.
I just passed the local college and saw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college.
My mom never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
There`s a big difference between knowing what time the liquor store closes, and what time it opens.
Career goal: Being successful enough to add bacon to my burger without asking how much more it costs.
You can always make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
I don`t know if I`ve got some free time, or if I just forgot what the hell I`m supposed to be doing...
is it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson´s by 2011?
I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.
Well, Thanks to SAMSUNG, flat screens are no longer `Flat`.
I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you cant have anymore food and im just never ready for that kind of commitment
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
“I wonder how much weight I’ve lost.” -Me, after eating one healthy meal.
The first guy who made fire by rubbing two sticks together probably did a lot of other weird sh!t.
Apparently, the average person looks at their phone 150 times a day. Not me. I look at it just once. For about 12 hours.