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Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
I noticed the toilet roll incorrectly installed in your selfie.
Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
Whenever I`m out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
Well ... here I am ... cleverly disguised as a responsible adult!
The New iPhone 7 is coming out in August. If you want a sneak peek of the new iPhone. Take a look at your current iPhone and pretend it cost 200 dollars more.
The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from your neighbor`s house is genius.
Idea: maybe the police force for a town of 20,000 shouldn`t have access to weapons you ordinarily need cheat codes to get
I wish there was a room where we could go and see all the stuff we have ever lost.
Wow, that Macy`s parade is crazy! The Kanye West float just cut off Snoopy and said Woodstock can fly better!