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Word on the street is... Lol. Jk. I don`t go outside.
Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it.
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I`m not doing that."
Trust me when I say anyone can dance! - Jack Daniels
If at first you don´t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
I found out last night that the only thing worse than waking up 3 times to pee is sleeping right through it.
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
You call it Sushi, I call it bait.
Secret Web Cam Test: Please nod your head yes if you can read this.
If you didn`t want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.
I like to think the automatic soap dispenser is just really happy to see me.
Please don`t come to my garage sale if you`ve ever let me borrow something.
Research shows that 100% of the time when someone says “oh no she didn’t!” she most definitely did.