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I feel like I could give a great NBA locker room speech. "Guys, we`re all millionaires, none of this matters."
Trail mix is just a reminder of how much better it would`ve been if I just ate a bag of M&M`s!
If your job title is head receiver, you know you`re doing something right.
I`m a wealth of knowledge ... Unless you want it to be true, then I`m pretty solid on about 6 topics ... 2 of those might just be Doritos flavors
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until ALL the birds have gone South for the Winter.
Sometimes after a nap, I like to take another nap.
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don`t Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
I don`t plan anything as well as I plan which alcoholic beverage I`m going to consume once I leave work.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
If each day is a gift, I wonder where I can return monday.
When asked how I take my coffee, I reply with, "Seriously. Very seriously."
I`m thinking one of us should probably break the news to the phone book makers that there`s this thing called Google now
When I was little I didn`t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it`s obvious that my parents didn`t care either.
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke break a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.