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Why I don’t like people: 1% logical reasons. 99% just because.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets?
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
Roses are red! violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Snot.
I`m not lazy. I`m just highly motivated to not do anything.
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
How to Train Your Dragon offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
My status would be a lot funnier if you could see my back-up dancers.
Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.
Those beards make the Red Sox look like they`re going to a Civil War reenactment as Confederates.
This post was going to be really funny but I didn`t write it down because I was totally sure I`d remember it.
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
No, I CAN’T believe how early it’s getting dark. After 4 billion years of this happening I was sure this would be the year it didn’t.