Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Some days are just not meant to be productive.
great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
I don`t have issues... I AM an issue
If one of Santa`s helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?
I always try to behave on Friday nights but there are usually too many other options.
As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
My internet went down. By which I mean my neighbors changed their password.
For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life! Unless you’re an idiot. In that case, please listen carefully.
If I were Noah, I’d be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol
A panda never pays his bills, because he eats shoots and leaves!!!
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
People in Detroit call Grand Theft Auto V "Tuesday"
You know you`re getting old when Happy Hour is a nap.