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Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
One day, I`m gonna wait for the Wal-Mart greeter to go on a bathroom break, step in their place, and begin welcoming everyone to K-mart.
Sex, drugs, and candy crush all have one thing in common. It’s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
So I harvested my tomato today, it`s bound to be good considering the $43.29 I invested to plant it.
I`m surprised kids haven`t found a way to trick or treat online yet
I wish my wallet came with free refills.
Some of my friendships are bad for my liver.
I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
Personal trainer said we`re going to try some dips today. I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese...He hates me.
It`s not stalking if you love them!