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Geez. I make one little mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you`ll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
Common sense is like deodorant; those that need it most, don’t use it.
I’m like a kid in a candy store. I can’t afford anything.
There’s a thin line between “I should do a status update about that” and “I should talk to a therapist about that”
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
The only way I`m coming to your wedding is if you get Me a gift. You just found lifelong love, I think I deserve a blender more than you do.
My dog reminds me of my ex. She doesn`t pull her weight financially and she`s scared of the vacuum.
If I owned a copy store I would only hire identical twins.
I want the time management skills of people who effortlessly carve out entire hours to be offended by every single thing on the internet.
How do American chickens cross the road? In a bucket.
since when was it cool to have an iPhone at the age of 10.. i sincerely hope those parents know what they`ve done.
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you`re innocent".
I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.
People who cook Hot Pockets in the oven, Where are you getting all this free time?