Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wish I could feel as happy as an adult, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class
Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
I`m at my most relaxed around dogs and prescription drugs.
The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
In my head I sound like the Queen of England bitches!
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
Me: Mom…Dad. I’ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: Ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside.
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
I can read your mind, your thinking about sex right now, no wait, wait.. that`s my mind, sorry, I can read my mind. . .
Apparently, walking up behind a hot guy in the produce aisle with celery in my hand and whispering "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
I don`t run away from my problems. That`s immature. I ignore them.
My husband picks fights with me like he doesn`t even value half of all his assets.
Me and my recliner...we go way back.
If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not your true friends.