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Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I`m typing this with my middle finger.
never be afraid to wipe twice
"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
I´m not lazy, I´m just highly motivated not to do anything.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself" -- 5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
My pessimism has never failed me, but I`m sure someday it will.
Facebook looks so boring on the outside, but once you start using it, its like NARNIA BRO!
If one of Santa`s helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?
When I see someone walking more than one dog I always think, "wow, that person must be really blind."
There`s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
anyone celebrating anything today? Anything at all... doesn`t matter what. I just need something to drink to.
If tomatoes are a fruit, then ketchup is a smoothie.
Internet went down so I had to spend time with my family. They seem like good people.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%
My ID expired so I can only go to the liquor store where they remember me: The one where I asked the cashier out and threw up on the floor.