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Stop screaming, lady. All I said was `this is how pornos start`. It`s just elevator talk.
No one knows what women really want, but everyone agrees it still won`t be enough.
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
As a man I am so thankful I don`t have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.
My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on.
How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
When someone tells me I`m going to hell, I`m like "yeah, duh, I work there part time as a tour guide!"
I know u r but what am I ?
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
Word to the wise - make sure the phone is 100% hung up before you call someone an a$$hole.
Considering that dogs pee to mark territory, they probably think humans are constantly battling over who gets to claim the toilet.
Sometimes, when I "like" your post, it`s because my touchscreen is too sensitive and I only meant to scroll by your ass. Sometimes. ;)
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)
Anyone who calls it a "day off with the kids"... Either has no kids or doesn`t know what "day off" means.
I used to think I was good at multi-tasking. Turns out it’s just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.