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Thank God! the women with 3 boobs was a hoax... I just couldn`t wrap my hands around it....
like this if you are against animal cruelty
Just remember, If we get caught you`re deaf and I don`t speak English.
I like playing with my dog when I`m high. Because I don`t have one when I`m sober.
They`ve got this brand new machine at the gym. I only used it for about an hour because I started to feel sick, but it`s awesome - it`s got Mars Bars, KitKat Chunkys, Cheetos, crisps.... everything!
Why do people post pictures of missing people on facebook?...like we are going outside.
I got the girl to hysterically laugh today just by asking her out for a date.
Just saw Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter... So that`s how it happened! I knew what I learned in history class was a bunch of crap!
Leaving your window open for an hour and the cast from f*cking Bugs Life decided to start producing their second movie.
I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
I had to go on two diets because one wasn`t giving me enough food.
The best black Friday deal ... sleep - $0.
Sorry if my phone keeps calling you, it`s voice activated. I`m at the mall and everytime santa says Ho, Ho, Ho, it dials your number
Sorry I poked you all over your body, but I was just looking for the off button.
I entered what I ate for lunch into my calorie counting app and it uninstalled itself.