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When I die, I don`t want to go sober...
If I was a mortician I`d tie the shoe laces of dead people together, so if there ever was a zombie apocalypse it would be hilarious.
Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
Are you tired of every day being the same? Congratulations, you’re an adult!
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system
The fox says you need to stop.
Heard you like bad boys .... Well, I`m not trying to impress you or anything, but when Disney Channel asked me to go to their website with my parents permission, I didn`t ask my parents.
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
Without facebook: more sleep, less drama, and a life!
IRS: We`ve got what it takes to take what you`ve got.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
Fast way to mess up someones Knock Knock joke? "It`s open."
None of my girlfriends even know they`re dating me.
My body is by no means a temple but it can be one heck of a amusement park ride...