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It`s not so much that I wanted to drink the whole bottle of wine, I just couldn`t figure out how to get the cork back in it.
Still waiting for a "Where are they now?" episode about the Flintstones
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out?
It`s called PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
The last time I got drunk I married Satan..I`m not doing either one again
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn’t have couches at this Best Buy
When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it`s not what you think...
I’m so broke this New Years Im gonna party like its $19.99.
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job there.
Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent ... I would have to say it’s the kids.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time.
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
I have read so much about the dangers of drinking and smoking, that i have decided to quit reading
my girlfriend asked me to go to the store and pick her up 50 shades of grey, she was pretty mad when i brought home 50 tubes of lipstick.