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The speed at which I can prepare food during a commercial break is amazing.
If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
Ah Friday...my second favorite "F" word!
Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me.
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
I try to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
I just took the "What Kind of Asshole are You?" quiz and got "The kind that posts my results on Facebook".
It`s scientifically proven that stress is caused by giving a f*ck.
Isn`t it weird when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
I bet all those girls that ignored me in high school would still be pretty pleased with that decision.
It`s weird how many people at my office are named "Hey."