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Better pound all these beers so I can get the bottles in the bin for recycling day.
I hate how homeless people shake their coin cups at me. I get it. No need to gloat that they have more money than me.
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin ... I don’t even know what that means, but now I’m hungry.
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
If you see me laughing like a crazy person, think nothing of it ..it`s just the voices in my head telling me jokes!
I should go to sleep but the Internet needs me.
You know you are getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
Neil Armstrong lands on the moon: 5 pictures. Girl goes to Bathroom: 47 pictures.
If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
I don’t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
Facebook should make it to where it says, `Went from being in a relationship` to `Problem solved.`
I was always a believer in evolution....then I spent an hour at Walmart and now I`m not so sure