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This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don`t get. Those who do are smiling right now.
Please don’t take anything I say personal or too seriously. I’m just an idiot with internet access.
Does everyone have that one dumb ass that finds you on Facebook and will not give up? Repeated friend requests, inbox messages, and follows my pages. It is driving me nuts. I understand at some point I will have to give in, but just because I am married to her doesn`t mean I have to like her, right?
"Trust your gut" is terrible advice. How can I put trust in something that tells me to eat an entire pizza when I get drunk?
Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like `Stabbyrabbit` or `Weaponrat`
Can you do me a favour? Stand in front of my car, I need to test my brakes.
I think I may have just inadvertently accomplished something!!!
I work so hard for my gta V character to have a better life
I asked my wife what women really want, she said attentive lovers. Or maybe she said "a tent of lovers." I wasn`t really listening.
I`m reaching the point where I really hope it`s not possible to be annoyed to death.
Beach people are fickle. One minute you`re the loser with a bucket of cold fries and the next they`re terrified of the Lord of Seagulls.
My coworkers are looking at me like they`ve never seen anyone tailgate before work.
I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I have NOT offended…I will get to you shortly.
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.